Date 35 - Briefly Johnny then Monday Funday

The old “one last thing to do and then I’ll wrap it up for the day” trick caught me again and I was running late for my after work coffee date with Johnny. I chanted “Buggar! Buggar! Sonofawhore!” As I jogged up the massive hill between the office and home. My phone bleeped. Johnny was at the coffee shop on the corner and asked if I wanted an Earl Grey tea. Champion of life. I replied in the affirmative and picked up the pace.
 

The Starbucks is just up the hill,
on your right

I met Johnny playing volleyball a couple of years ago. He is a dynamic player and a decent guy. We occasionally meet up for coffee and to catch up on each other’s adventures. He has a girlfriend currently, and she has been keeping him busy so we haven't hung out in ages.

Once I crested the hill, I slowed down so as not to show up panting and sweating too grossly. I had a smug moment when I thought about how a scant few years ago I would have had to stop to catch my breath. Constant volleyball has its dividends (or whatever financial term applies best here – I won’t pretend I know what any of those words actually mean).

I saw Johnny’s silhouette through the glass; he was on his phone and had 2 coffee cups at his elbow. I walked in and grinned at him. I was in date mode, I suppose, because I went in for a hug. This took him aback, because he knows and respects my intense need for personal space.

Are we even doing this right?

“Woah, I get a hug?!”

“Thanks for the tea!” I sat down and the energy from my jaunt up the hill escaped in a series of nervous gestures and too much smiling.

We fell to visiting about familiar subjects like cars and trips and volleyball. We talked about relationships and friendships and the trials and tribulations of each. It was a fast catch-up and generally a good one. Before the conversation even slowed down, Johnny looked at his phone and announced that he had to run off to family dinner. I told him it had been great seeing him, and waved goodbye as I walked home.

I had just enough time to go home and get Errol before meeting Captain Horatio Longbottom* for Monday Funday. Horatio is my long-suffering best friend. He has endured over 17 years of my affectionate harassment, crude humour, stubbornness, and puns. He was the friend who offered to chaperone my first date with Constantine, who put together a rolodex full of questions to ask should any of my dates be going too badly, and who has talked me through every rejection, every bad date and every silly mistake so far this Lent. He is my rock. But before you get all: “Oooooh! She’s in love with her best friend, and they’ll get together in the end because that’s how every cheeseball 90s movie ended!” I assure you, it doesn’t end that way. Horatio’s boyfriend Linus would bitch-slap the bajeezus out of me. Plus, Linus has shoulders for days, and I just can't compete with that.
 

Anyway, Horatio had been out of town recently, and I’d missed our weekly dinners/hangouts. I arrived at his house and he fed me curry with coconut rice and pork tenderloin. We opened a bottle of wine and turned on some music.


Besties

I was texting Kevin, because that’s pretty much just a constant thing. We'd been talking about best friends earlier that day, which was apropos. He asked what I was up to, and I told him I was hanging out with Horatio. I then invited Kevin to join us and he said he’d shower and come over. Then I paused, felt like a douche, asked Horatio if he minded that I had just invited Kevin aka Swamp Rat to crash Monday Funday. He didn’t mind, because he’s a sweetheart. And he even went and put pants on. Respect.

Horatio and I were playing the music drawing game that I’d taught to Constantine on Saturday, and laughing at each other when Kevin arrived. I let him into Horatio’s apartment and commented that he had brought two bottles of wine and Captain Horatio Longbottom’s favourite board game. I was babbling fluently about whatever nonsense was sifting through my head while Kevin took off his shoes and it took me a moment to realize that he was lingering in the doorway, waiting for something.

When I figured it out, I felt my face turn red. He was waiting for a “Hello” kiss. Oh! Right. Ok.

I kissed him and said “Hello.” I turned and Horatio was grinning at me devilishly, like the shithead kid in your grade 5 class who just found out that your legal name is Fanny Asserson.

I introduced Kevin to the Captain. Horatio bid him welcome. Kevin sat down at the bar next to me and pulled out his dinner (he’d brought a salad for himself). I had also managed to restrain myself and left a tiny sliver of tenderloin for him. I will be making myself a Generosity Trophy later this week. The boys fell to talking; each knew tidbits about the other, and it didn’t take much time to establish common ground. It was pretty much instant chemistry. They talked about farming and whiskey and making wine and purifying water and being amazing cooks. I made bad puns throughout and sipped my wine.
 

Captain Horatio Longbottom's proud collection
of Generosity Trophies

When Kevin told Horatio about the food we’d made for dinner the other night, Horatio realized that I have been hiding (or, to give me the benefit of the doubt here, trying to get over) my insane pickiness when I am on a date. This made Horatio deviously happy and he proceeded to mess with me all night, and even considered offering me saskatoon berries for dessert (the cunning bastard)!

We talked for hours and played a Cyanide and Happiness board game that was truly delightful. There was lots of laughter, food, wine and chatter. Kevin sat close to me and held my hand. Horatio made me tell some of his favourite jokes and stories. It was well after midnight when I finally convinced myself that it was time to go home. Kevin and I left together, Horatio sang me his amazing, endearing and slightly creepy goodbye song once Kevin was in the hall and couldn’t really hear it.

We walked outside and parted with a “Goodbye” kiss on the street corner.

I texted both Kevin and Horatio when I got home. Kevin replied when he arrived home as well. I’d expected to receive some message from Captain Horatio Longbottom pronouncing his verdict on Kevin, but did not hear a thing. I did some pacing, drank some water, folded a few socks. Did not get much sleep.

 

*Editor’s note: Didn’t learn the lesson about letting people choose their own pseudonyms, but it does have a certain ring to it.