The Countdown

Well, Lent begins tomorrow. Bloody hell.

Something like this, with a
calendar and a pen under it.

I’ve booked two safe daytime coffee dates with strangers (Constantine and Dennis), I’m hoping for a sporty date on Saturday (with Mark) and after that, I’m totally stumped. Did I actually expect to write dates in my calendar every day and just wait for men to magically appear and have everything line up perfectly?

Yes, I did. Call me an optimist or an idiot; that was what I was genuinely hoping for.

It turns out that finding men, talking to them, arranging life and logistics is actually rather difficult. Lent hasn’t started yet, but the number of times I’ve thought, “This is exactly/probably why I am single!” is in the double-digits. *

*Side challenge: if someone wants to take me up on this, we should get together after Lent and have shots for every time I say a variation of "That's why I'm single," odds are pretty good I’m going to need help drinking them. Who’s in?*

Not that I’m throwing my hands up in surrender, there are a lot of things I’m really psyched about. For one thing, the strange guys seem quite nice.

Constantine

Not much into speculative fiction, so odds are he’s not a Harry Potter fan, but Constantine is definitely a fellow Ravenclaw. His online dating profile contained not one but two (2) words I had to look up. Yay! He listed “semantics” as one of his interests where most guys put “beer” or some combination of “hiking” and “watching Netflix.” Semantics is at the heart of my undying (and some say unrequited) love of puns, so this could be the start of something punderful. We may also be dealing with a fully-fledged intellectual type. Not sure I will be able to keep up, but I will try!

In one of his profile photos, he is holding a small bird and taking a photo of it with a fancy camera. From this, I can conclude that he is either magical or can speak fluent chickadee. Impressive either way. We’ve exchanged emails, and (per my request) he sent me some of his essays to read. Such are my skills at flirting (which is probably why I’m single). *shot*

Illegible speech bubble says:
"I don't need to read about wizards. I freakin' am one!

Dennis

I know absolutely nothing about Dennis whatsoever. No photos, no essays, just a couple of amiable-sounding texts to give me an indication of the person on the other end. I am picturing just a question mark with glasses, a collared shirt and sneakers. I am sure I will recognize him immediately as the guy with the eyes and nose and stuff. I got this!

Mark

I also know absolutely nothing about Mark. And from this vacuum, I decided that Mark and I should go watch sports together as our date. I didn’t ask him out for coffee or anything. Maybe it was his name (which isn’t Mark, and thus isn’t helpful for you, sorry) that made me decide to change the variables. No coffee shop vibes and idle chat with Mark. We’re going to do something different, a little more fun. Maybe because I've pre-emptively decided that Mark and I will be friends.

It also seems like I’m getting the hang of the dating person’s thought process. A teammate introduced me to a guy on Sunday and my first thought was “How do I ask him out?” versus my usual, “How am I going to use the leftover cream cheese from my Saturday baking frenzy, and why is what’s-his-lips looking at me like that?” I didn’t actually manage to ask him out, but I thought about it. Small victories, people!

Do we have time for a parade?



There's always time for a parade!

Trying not to overthink my first first date tomorrow.

It’s going really well (the not overthinking bit, that is). Because I’m a rational person who doesn’t perseverate over things I cannot control. Not at all. Nope. I haven’t even begun to spin bizarre and unpleasant scenarios that could unfold. I didn’t imagine Constantine pretending not to see me or faking instantaneous macha-latte-induced food poisoning just to escape. I also didn’t play out the scene of me tripping over my feet and sprawling face-first into a trendy little table, smashing out both of my front teeth. I have not been hearing the press of awkward silence as I fumble for something to say. I definitely haven’t been looking at the price of plane tickets to Borneo. I have just been allowing time to pass naturally. Tomorrow is just another day. And I am just a normal, well-adjusted girl. Obviously.

Bring it on.